tattoos continued

Jules says the tattoo is a bird with black wings and is meant to represent the Greek mythological figure Nyx. He wants it because Nyx was born out of Chaos. He says that is the connection to me – that out of chaos we became who we are now. It’s enough to make me cry. We are who we are because of those difficult times and because of each other, and the fact that he might permanently mark his body in honor of that concept reminds me just how important friendships can be if we allow them.

Yesterday Paul suggested that I learn French. If you did, he said quite seriously, you could move here and we could get married. I argued that I wouldn’t need to know French and that we were both currently engaged in long term relationships. But what he really wants is a baby, and that’s something that neither Andy nor I can give. We’re all unconventional anyway, he protested to my protestations. He’s right about being unconventional. I suppose we are or perhaps should be. In the end, I told him he sounded like a weak sitcom plot. He quickly let the subject drop.

But it did give us the opportunity to speak about Jak again. Told Paul that I remember having many conversations with Jak about marriage. Bonds that last forever. He wasn’t a fan of much western tradition. Jak always told me that neither one of us were meant to be married. That we were restless – tempestuous – and better when left to our own devices. I think I was too young in those days to understand what he meant. Now those discussions feel like premonitions. Girl, he said, If two souls are meant to be tied together for all eternity – well, then, they will be. And I think there must be some kind of truth to that. At least for me.