and so i say

to love you feels like the remembered scent of lilacs. the sickening sweet aroma that burns the nose. the back of the throat. something that evokes a sneeze. like the sun after times of darkness. your voice – a vessel of madness. that flicks the tongue and curls the toes. words like magic spells that cut me down to size. hold me prisoner within the gap between your teeth. weaving imaginary realities about the way it might feel to love you. like the remembered taste of desire. caught like a cold. a mistaken temporary ache in the bones. to love you feels like a choice i couldn’t make. a failed attempt to obliterate a memory.