feeling the burn

managed to have a conversation with paul yesterday in which he called me
pathetic
Ridiculous
and apathetic
he was very emphatic about them all and perhaps used some in combination
it put me off
set me off
the rest of the day went equally downhill
with me leading the way – face first

so today I spent several hours wandering busy downtown streets and empty neighborhood blocks
attempting to reconcile the whole thing
put it all into some kind of perspective
let my feet and my mind take me away
drank a cappuccino with a man named sam
he said I reminded him of his daughter
and I wondered, between sips, if he was real
I had forgotten about the catharsis that comes after running your arms and legs beyond exhaustion
and now I’m left with even more
the words
my questions
this life

I apologized, earlier, for being those things. Paul refused the apology and told me quite plainly to –
just knock it off

indeed.