things there won’t be much of tonight

solace.

Paul rang from his cell about an hour away. They’d been on the road for hours, and I could hear him speaking softly because Andy was asleep on the passenger side.

drinking.

Andy called from the phone in the front entryway of the house after they had been there for about an hour. 3 p.m. PST. They found Jules asleep in his bed. Fully clothed. Everything -- a wreck. All the shades pulled down.

They’re going to take him to see Petro. Then to Duwamish. To skip rocks and yell at the ocean.

I can’t get the tone of Andy’s voice out of my head -- He won’t let go of Paul. He said filled with surprise and worry. He’s holding on to him like we’re the first people he’s seen in years. And sometimes I wonder with Jules if, honestly, they are.

The few moments I got with Paul were distracted and I’m not sure what he heard. Maybe I’m not even sure what I said. I think this is the anniversary of the accident. Neither one of us is sure, but we agree, regardless, it’s probably the cause.

It must have been about 12 years ago now, that Jules lost both of his parents – one horrible night – in an automobile collision. It’s how we all became friends, really. Walking around like ghosts and holding each other at night to remember that we weren’t the people who had died – even though it often felt that way.

I’m out. I don’t know what to type now. I wish I were home. If only to scoop Jules up and make him listen to my heart beat.