untitled
-- for steve and the sock

It was her aversion to bare feet that he thought about now, as he loaded the last remnants of her into a thin manila envelope. A few hair clips. The blank book in which she had written him notes. A necklace of thin glassy beads and other insignificant forgotten items. His mind created her in that familiar practice. Padding around the apartment in white athletic socks. Only taking them off to shower. She had always been like this, he thought, just out of my reach.

He had tried to rid himself of her memory. Had already thrown out her toothbrush and thought that by removing her hair from the comb they shared in the bathroom, he might exorcise her completely. But the smell remained, like the impression her body made on the bed where he slept. Indelible. He closed his eyes against the memories and resolved that loneliness and spite must taste exactly like envelope glue.

Later he would mail the package and wait for her to call. The letter enclosed had taken him hours to write, and he was sure that she was just as devastated by their separation. Those waiting weeks brought him close to madness. Frequently locking himself in the bathroom to stand naked in front of the mirror. Proof, he thought, that he was still alive.

She was never coming back.

There was nothing of her left, anymore. Just the gauzy memories he created. And his bones ached for something tangible – anything to prove that he hadn’t been wrong – that whatever they had really existed.

The sock, he whispered as he stood and turned toward the radiator. Started to move closer. Then retreated. No, he thought to himself, leave it. And he knew in that moment that he had to get out -- overwhelmed with the insatiable desire to inhale the air and create new memories to place next to this one.

I remember the time, his mind said as his feet hit the pavement, we made love on my futon. And you pulled off your socks and threw them across the room. How you laughed at the delicacies of our bare feet touching. And I laughed at your sudden act of liberation.

[i know it needs work, but i wanted to get it posted. enjoy ; )]