no matter what --

I hear the voice inside my head say, don’t cry.
But I do.
Because, sometimes, no matter what –
There isn’t much you can do to stop it.
Nor anyone to call to make you feel better – or worse –

And all you’re left with is you
miserable, wretched, disastrous, hateful, specious
you

I’m ready for this to be over.
To stop standing on the other side of a door that’s never been fully open –
Begging for entry or begging for a way out.
Balancing between reeling and desperate
Afraid of the results of myself

Even after I say no more, at any price
He’s not sure.