momentary flashes

i close the bathroom door and talk to jules. rub my eyes with the backs of my hands and wonder how all of this ever even happened. even though i know why and how. too tired from the sickness that’s crept in and taken hold of my body over the past few hours. too sick, even, to be sick. i brush my teeth and listen to him say, babe, you just can’t know everything. and i’m sure he’s right. shut the medicine cabinet door and decide that i’ll feel stronger in the morning. change the subject.

it’s wicked, i say, these momentary flashes. like the pulse of christmas lights. blink and it’s gone. nothing to hold tightly but the memory of remembering.

i’m going to bed – still thankful for everything offered by this day.