unplanned meetings

today we were all sly grins and laughter. passing notes and giggling at photos like school kids. it’d only been since thursday. and i’d not thought of him once. i felt awkward and pressured when he asked, again, if i’d travel down with him to new mexico. split the costs he said. and i looked at my shoes when i said i wasn’t sure, but really meant no. no, not ever. instead i looked up, smiled, and wondered why he pays me so much attention. we walked up the stairs talking about books and a painting of a beautiful woman we’d just seen. he stopped on the landing between floors, let out a deep breath, and asked me to lunch while looking out the window. i stood next to him and, too, looked out into the bright light reflecting off the world. cupped my hand around his elbow and said, naw, i’d better go. lots of work to do. left him standing there and walked alone to my office. checked my email. jotted a quick note to someone i adore. followed with a flurry of jacket, hat, scarf, gloves on my way to the union. we crossed paths then. he carrying weak tea and a lunch in a paper sack. me filled with other intentions. i’m just running a quick errand, i smiled feeling full of guilt. that’s a really cute hat, he said in the pause while we passed.