boys between the lines

reading when the phone rings. he sounds quiet. deflated. it’d cost me $600.00 to get to you right now. and i don’t know if that’s a request – a declaration – a need. so i say nothing. and think, i’d rather he didn’t. he doesn’t bring it up again.

i’ll call you later, i lie. already in my closet looking for something to wear.
he mumbles into the phone. saying something about the snow. about mountains and sunlight. but i’m missing too many of the connections. maybe i’m just not in the mood to make them. i was thinking of coming out next weekend, he ventures. and i wonder if he’s drunk or suffering some other temporary insanity. and so i say you sound like you could use some sleep. we’ll talk about it later.

now i’m all dressed up with no place to go. just the desire to be gone.
because i know i’ll call back.
i know i’ll say it’s okay
even though it isn’t.