the clarity of looking through

everything comes through his eyes
immediate recognition of all the failures
every gesture a reminder that i am unfit
the way he moves makes me restless
makes me want to forget the sound of my own voice
his look arrests
charges
a blankness that translates clearly
saying
you are dangerous to know
you ruin everything you touch
without me, you are nothing
looking past and through
i only see the promise of his eventual departure
the snow falling in piles
on the other side of the window
and it only slightly stings
like long endured cold against the cheeks
when he falls into denigrations of my physicality
you’ve gained weight
he admonishes
your hair -- too short
you’ve changed
and I don’t hesitate to say
to feel
to know
i have