one more conversation that involves the phrase

I wish you didn’t live so far away
He says. As he grabs my hand
In the rain
Under a blinking street lamp.
I close my eyes
And hear my own voice saying the words
It’s like talking alone in a dark room

The emptiness of a life without witnesses

Decide in less then a second that
I’m an idiot
That
I’m no good with men
[especially the variety I tend to attract]
unfathomably uninteresting

this should be a romantic moment
but
I open my eyes and
He
Is still there
Flaccid
Nothing about him – the situation – has left my insides feeling
Crushed like an empty tin can

I say the only honest thing that comes to mind
I have to go
back away
I hope I see you soon
He stammers. Still holding my hand
I shiver as I walk back to the car
And not for the cold