slipping

senseless and tired
i call paul
searching for the solace of history
timelessness
he allows the indulgence of remembering
to feel sorry
to engage in the selfish act of sobbing into a telephone
until i’m useless and dry
filled with a dull calmness
about someone loved
and things that can never be changed
leaving an irrevocable pressure
against the backs of my eyes
a tightness in the chest

trying to pound out these feelings
these words that don’t want to be contained
through the soles of my shoes
into the cold dirty asphalt
i run
miles and miles
pushing myself farther away from home
trying to lose my way
to get lost
amongst the noise
the lull of the passing cars
cold wind against the base of my neck
until body and mind became numb
the personification of the word
erasure
leaving only the eventual return
the ache of knowing i’ve gone way too far
searching for the strength to bring myself back