things that sound good

in the midst of a late night conversation with jay
and i'm feeling weak and vulnerable
saying things i didn't intend
a result of unsorted feelings and not enough sleep
neither one of us are in any condition to battle the other's
propensities and desires
right now he's whispering something about the cool calming feel of my skin
against that place where the shoulder and neck connect
[. . .]
did you at least get some business done he asks
and i play coy. pretend i don't know what he means.
we laugh uncontrollably after he says,
there's 30 minutes you'll never get back
and i say no fucking doubt
[. . .]
he asks questions that i don't want to answer
instead i say, "i'm not a playa i just crush a lot"
now he's singing the theme song to rainbow bright
against my protestations
and i'm at that stage where even straight whisky over ice sounds like a good idea
as the sweet burn numbs the back of my throat and filters through my blood
i press my lips against one another and think about other unnamable things that light me up
he says, i hope i'm not the only person alive who knows how fabulous you are
and i laugh at myself and say, i dunno, boy, i dunno about that at all
we're currently missing letters like m's and n's and talking slowly
and i say, among other things, that i need to slip between the sheets to dream
even though i had intended to say it to someone else
and we're just drunk enough to say i wouldn't admit this to anyone else
that we're both way too scared of too many things
and we admit that what we really do want is stability and trust and, above all else, love