for m, e, e, and p—because i promised i would

because it’s warm enough to be outside without a jacket. i walked. to think about light and love, strength and compassion, and all the things that keep us bound and resolutely send us crashing away. the day smacks gorgeous against the shiny wet tarmac and i went for miles in unplanned patterns. thought about the way his voice sounded after he opened the door when i left and shouted wait against my back careening into the emptiness of the hallway. it’s the closest anyone’s come to touching me all day.

because it’s warm enough to melt the ice. i sat in the union courtyard and ate an early dinner. and thought about the importance of the senses. stared at the sky—at the people—listened to the wind and voices. read collins from the volume lifted off a friend’s desk without permission. allowed myself to feel satisfied by the tastes of food. watched the boys with skateboards hurl themselves from the concrete into the air and crash down again. lean and unrestrained they flew and i envied their abandon and understood their desire to run after something so hard and keep falling and falling.