7 steps to faking injury (and other things that go bump in the night)*

1. drink way too much
2. close bathroom door, inexplicably
3. go to bed late
4. get up, again, at some point before the light comes/don’t turn on the lights
5. forget you’ve closed the bathroom door
6. walk smack into it and fall on the floor
7. laugh so hard at yourself and the situation that you aren’t even mad at yourself for behaving so stupidly

*none of this actually happened, though. seriously. i swear it.