breaking up

i ring jay from my office
it's been ages since we've spoken
and those moments used to fill me with an ache
as if i'd misplaced my own name
but those days seem to be over
or at least fading
i've just called to say i love you, i'm sleepy and unsolicited
he makes a noise into the phone
like an exhalation that isn’t quite sure it meant to be one
what’s going on?, i ask, knowing full well where this is going.
where’ve you been? he says each word in quiet hurt anger.
nowhere, i lie and he knows it.
the rest of the conversation
a maze of
we can’t keep doing this and
i know
we were holding time
being the light at the end of it all
but there’s no need for us any longer
we’ve got to stop holding on so tightly
strange to feel, afterward, as if we’d broken up with one another
i suppose in some vital emotional destructive ways
we have