i came here to post something

but now i don't remember quite what it was.

these days have been odd, but mostly cold. there were even numbered days, mixed in between. but i don't like to talk about those much. today, my partner expressed great delight in one of my accomplishments. that felt nice. as if the wind might not be so terribly cold the next time i walk outside. i drank tea. felt fine. maybe closer to wonderful.

i notice, these days, i'm using sarcasm more in group conversations. i'm never sure if that comes across as tersely funny or just stupidly annoying. i'm trying not to add too much. the way too much black pepper can so easily go from spicy goodness to revolting in only a shake or two. probably i'm just tired. maybe only just more self-aware.

i need to read more. i need to know more. i need to stop being such a perfectionist. and such a fuck-up at the very same time.

i wish i were better at representing my thoughts in speech. in real conversation.

in the next few days i'm going to participate in a reading-lecture thing at school in support of gay rights. i'm reading a thing i wrote about my friends b, who shot himself, and p, his lover who now lives in another country, and about shaving my head. it's the same story i always tell. but it's an important one to me. and i'll read some baldwin, of course.

today i am wearing pigtails.