so i wanted some air

the front porch suited me kindly
and I held fast to the shape of the concrete stair
the first step
the dim light
how the slant of the brick on brick wall pushes unforgiving into my spine
cradled this novel against the folds of my knees
my aching hand
read
two young women with young children
load their kids in the car
raucous and obvious drunks
they pay no attention to the one who is old enough to walk
screaming about he’s afraid of the car
shouting mommieeeee
mommy
until i wanted to shoot up
shout into their faces in a voice that left spit on my chin
i watch
perch
wait
they drive away
laughter ringing in my ears
i memorize the license plate
my bad mind with numbers
chant it up the stairs
while i drop my keys
and can’t even shout fuck because i might lose the letters the numbers this combination of important data
dial the police
the non-emergency number
fighting back the knowledge that this is in fact an emergency
shout the numbers at the unsuspecting woman
who sounds tired and disinterested on the other end
shout them
yes, i’ll make a statement
yes you can have my name
my full address
yes, i’ll do whatever it takes