the truth is
you don’t see what these eyes see
this flesh hidden under the sanctity of clothes
these extra pounds
i am decidedly not
too skinny
or any skinnier than i was last year or several months ago
this distended belly would answer you for sure
offer up some piece of evidence that you refuse to recognize
as cogent relevance for my evaluation as
this
hideous
monster
i am not the body i desire
flat belly
trim wide hips
firm thighs
a face less fleshy
i am not some unrealistic vision of what makes me
me
without clothes i am that girl who couldn’t keep up
when he ran me into the concrete
into oblivion
and never once felt good enough
felt fit enough to be real
desired
consumed
i am not too skinny
when i can pull at the folds of extra weight
and i am no longer operating under an eating disorder mentality
that i refuse to claim ever existed
making daily survival
meals of coffee and half packets of cigarettes
this body isn’t too thin
it’s just that you can’t see it clearly
maybe you need to borrow my eyes
i know the truth really is
you just can’t see