mid phone conversation...
him: i don't know babe. it seemed like she was having a great time.
me: well, what's going on?
him: i'm not sure. she isn't returning my calls.
me: hmmmm. what did you guys do last?
him: dinner, drinks, conversation
me: oh, no. jae--you didn't do that thing where you talk at people about things like the news and then don't really have a conversation. you know? like you just talk at people. and regardless of what they're saying, you just keep on saying what you want to say. and you don't ask, you know, questions or whatever. like, um, you don't engage or seem interested in the other person--only what you have to say . . .
him: [taken aback] what? do i do that?
me: [exasperated] good lord

it's very strange to give dating advice and support to the man i was married to for 10 years. (especially because i look young enough for people to assume that i've never been married. including my very-new-boyfriend's mother, who, i believe still doesn't know.) it's strange, because we were married for so long, and because the kinds of things that he asks me about or experiences problems over are very often the same things i'd been telling him were problematic for me for years--and he still acts surprised and upset by these observations. he doesn't ask me how my relationship is going. although, we talk about my health and about the last man i dated who i can't seem to get over or even figure out why i'm trying to get over in the first place. jae listens. which feels odd.

him: that's the way i've always felt, how i feel, about you.
me: what's that supposed to mean?
him: it means you're still in love with him, stupid.