I meant to title this post 'plastered.' Because I'm no longer getting drunk most mid days until midnights roaring around my lived spaced like a caged animal longing for attention. I am no longer put up or shut up. I don't bleed toxins or need the feel of ashamed. I refuse to play foolish again. I've cried useless and dry more than enough. Screamed enough. Streamed soundless words like trying at this razor's edge more than enough. If I am vacuous or daft. If my words or my lack of words leave you stagnant. If I am pleased to disappoint. Then let me be. I am one girl. One moment of blood with broken skin and bones and sinews searching the landscape of bodies for oxygen. And I don't need any more favors. There's no road home. No way to write down the steps like baking a cake to the doorstep of anywhere that I belong. No poet instructions to break and go like the false orange of hard candies. So, don't bother to call or write. Don't stop by my flat or work to remind me that I am one useless excuse for a human being. The world suddenly slipped like rugs under feet. The space of a hand gone centuries blinked. I am yours always. Never.