an adrenaline junkie
there's absolutely no way around it
i don't dive out of sky borne crafts
or shoot myself up with needles
but when i watch a series of shows
about violence
my vocation
and then the paranormal
and the sleeping body in the other room
taps and taps on the divide between
knuckle to soul shiver
it's a match to set the fire
to a night filled with anxious legs
and a body that doesn't ever know what to make of itself
medicated
or not
there will always be the rush of
me
inside
compulsive itinerant nightmarish glimpses
of how i can't settle
when the poison posits itself
like an intention filled goblet in a god damned Shakespeare tragedy

right now, no matter what i do, i just wish that i didn't feel so scared
of my own chemistry

this really is what it feels like to be crazy
and to crushingly comprehend why it is that you are so