Just now I'm lying on the couch. A heavy blanket across my legs. Thinking about the empty feeling in my belly. The way the lack of things can leave me feeling smacked, sometimes. This weekend I dreamed of shopping for babies online and ginger snaps. And I wondered what I would look like in the photographs you could take of me in that grey world I miss living in. If I would be beautiful even if I were wordless.

I need new insides. And words. And maybe even my mother.