i prefer chick peas to chocolate. i'm in love with coffee and salt the way some women are dedicated to children or horses or their backyard gardens. i enjoy sex more than most people i know. i've lied terrible huge lies to every single person i've ever been in love with. and it isn't always the same ones. or for the same reasons. if i could have married any straight man alive during the 20th century it would have been ed bradley. i cried for two days after he passed away. the only television channels i have memorized are the food network, the cartoon network, mtv, and BBCA. if you asked me to list two movies about lesbian serial killers, i could do it. once, in college i got to be the 'birdy in a cage' during a square dancing exhibition and actually considered it an honor. i know the difference between a 3/3 and a 4/4. and at almost any moment i can sing at least partial lyrics to any song playing on a store system. i love to watch boxing. i'm a student of literature who hates books, but likes trying to pull of the sexy librarian look. sometimes when i'm feeling overwhelmed, i become inaudible. i like to bite down onto things. hard. something that i love more than the baby jesus or lemon curd is laughing with honesty. the most confident and happiest and most me that i ever feel is when i make people laugh.

i'm sick and i'm tired and i'm cold.