lately

like swelling bellies and not being able to sleep nights. of being sick and sobbing and wretched. and at a loss for words. nights when all i can do is think about setting the table at your brother's house for dinner. and the sharp teeth of kitchen knives. that turn all these ashes up into smiles. that make me realize that all of these many women i have become have always just been this one woman. steady pleased with her discontents and constant residual pursuit of imperfection. that help me, a little bit, to realize that these moments without permeate. mutate. blend time and space and the catch grab seconds in-the-between into something that looks a lot like happiness.

and. that's the way it should be.