after a long semi-conscious static-head-cold weekend of comi-tragic moments like watching Apocalypto and making soup into nachos and talking to my father on speaker-phone as he drove down the highway and admitting to my partner that i'd seen the movies The Rock and Entrapment in the movie theater (but strictly not on dates) and eating an entire family sized bag of potato crisps and not sleeping most of the night, my best friend said:

This is the funniest email I've gotten in a long time