i wanted to write something gently soft about the way life feels these days. but everything comes out always hard a's and concrete retaining walls. if ever i was lonely or alone things might be different. but this is a different kind of new. and everything that ever was like the way to spell the word color or the shape of my own face feels foreign. daunting. irresolvable. like public school maths. and the weight and consequence of my own tongue.