when i first started this everything looked different. the whole world covered in some kind of gloam. this candy coated shell of a fragileness. and me. and only words could make the whole things stop. like love letters to the lilacs in the back garden of my childhood home. or garbage. i remember walking around the streets of this city so filled with so much i thought i might burst into a million pieces. that if i weren't lucky, i might light right off the ground. float myself. into no where. and this was the anchor of it all. the buts. ands. ifs. every full stop that i jambed into you, even when you didn't want it. when you came home late from a party to check your stats. cruise the bloglines to see who else was feeling just as happy.sad.lunatic.lonely. as you. and there i was. always. just sitting here. never knowing i was saying everything you were saying. our two mouths so much distant and moving.