when i was a girl, i dreamed about drowning. not the choke to sputter darkness or the slow drift into light. but the kind of swim sparkle sun floating madness one gets from lulling in a hand-me-down seventies unheated water-bed. when i was a girl, i lived in a place that always rained. and the grey skies were all my sunshine days. and now, under big comic blue skies and neverending grass fields and foreign tongues like spies. i long for landscape. and drizzle. i long for the slow rocking madness of those moments in flight where i drifted and sucked water to breathe like oxygen.