is going to try
to start being
a little sunnier

I'm not prepared, but if I have to . . .
said, I can make you scared.
It's kinda what I do.

If you're prepared--

here's what I propose to do . . .

If I make you scared, if that's what I do
If you're prepared, if I have to
If I make you scared and you pay me to
If that's the deal.

Now here's what I can do for you. . .

If you make me scared
If that's what you do
If I'm unclear can I get out of this thing
With me and you?
If you feel scared or a bit confused
I gotta say This sounds a little beyond anything I am used to--

Okay you make me scared
you did what you set out to do
I'm not prepared,
you really had me going there for a minute or two.

i got the job offer
the same day as my not-so-boyfriend drove away to start living his life somewhere else

1 flight canceled
1 scrambled drive to next city to catch alternate flight
1 very long travel time
1 shuttle drive to wrong hotel
1 panicked run down post-midnight streets searching for right hotel in foreign city
1 guy who told me i'd probably find it, but that he couldn't say how safe i'd be
1 very late check-in
0 hours sleep
0 hours practicing interview demonstration
1 very early wake up call
1 day-long interview
1 very long series of flights home
1 lost bag
1 very tired i

but i'll be back
very soon

[wish me well]

to the person who probably knows me best in the world

that i am afraid of the fact that i don't even recognize myself any longer.

that's a big deal.

in the universe i'm livin' in.

seriously.
i don't know what i was thinking.

cardboard boxes
and someone to water the flowers

i am
small
imprecise.
the consciousness of childhood grammar.

i keep telling myself.

believes, beyond all reasonable rational constructions that might make sense in the mind, that if you really hold true that the person you love is worth it --

you
just
couldn't
comprehend
leaving.

end of story.

no matter what.